Is this really friendship if you’re not completely yourself?
This is so weird how friendships can change. No, not change really. Evolve.
When I was young, I had a best friend who knew me so well and with whom I could do and say anything and just be myself. Basically, the very definition of a best friend.
Now, this friend still is dear to me, but time drove us away, and even if I still spend time with her and love her, it’s not the same. She doesn’t get me the way she did. And I guess I don’t really get her either. I can’t be fully myself around her, and even worse, I don’t dare to be, because I’m afraid of being judged by her.
I tried to keep it the way it was, but I couldn’t. For a time I wasn’t okay with that, and I felt bad about it. Like it was my fault. But it wasn’t. It’s just the way it is sometimes. So, then, I accepted it. And now I feel better, even if it’s still hard because I feel like I’m keeping a part of me to myself when I’m with her. And I feel like I’m not being honest with her. But she doesn’t get some part of me and I prefer being occasionally less me with her, than being full me without her.
It’s hard to realize that, and it hurts. Almost physically. But that’s life, right? We grow apart and make new friends and new adventures and life continues.
I also have other friends, two of them being the bests, and I have my sister. They are my true best friends, for a long time now, and I love them so so much. They are part of me. They know me so well, sometimes better than myself, and they forgive my craziness and they love me back just for who I am. This is awesome and I can’t thank them enough for this.
Sometimes it’s okay to let go, if this is for the right reasons. You have to prioritise your choices and accept change. But the most important: never lose sight of what YOU are and what YOU want. You are the main character of your life. Be yourself and people will love you for you.