For a few weeks now, I have anxiety.
I’ve always been a nervous girl, I have eczema very often and I am anxious all the time. But now, this is new : I have a hard time sleeping, because when I want to sleep I find myself thinking of wayyyyy to many things, about life, and jobs, and goals, and love, and everything and nothing. I stress out and I can’t sleep.
My first solution was to go to sleep so late that I would be too exhausted and sleep right away. It worked, for a little while. But soon I was too tired everyday. Since I don’t have a job, it’s not important, you’d tell me. But it is. It is important because if I’m in this state of mind, this is for a reason. I’m not well in my mind, but then in my body too.
How to come to the end of it? I don’t have a proper answer yet.
But for me, the breakthrough was an appointment for a training for a new job, where the woman made me understand that I had no expertise at all. She asked me several times : “but what are your other skills?”. “I’ve just told you everything, like, my whole life. I don’t have anything more.” “Oh, I see, so, no skills then…”. Nicely put! Okay, she didn’t said it exactly like that, but it wasn’t really far from it either. It kind of broke me for a moment, but after a little while, I realized I already knew that. I had no skill in this area, but I didn’t have to stick to this particular sector. So, since she wouldn’t let me have a chance here, I decided to do something totally different.
I think this is what set me free, because since that day I sleep better and I’m a little less worried about everything. I still haven’t done anything in the new way I’ve chosen, like finding a training or a job, but I feel more comfortable with it. Maybe it won’t work, we’ll know soon enough. But for now, I’m way better and this is the most important.
A few days ago, I saw this quote from Lana Parrilla (a normal woman, not an expert who know everything about it but just a regular human being who just live, like me, like you): “You are where you need to be. Just take a deep breath.”. And this is it. This is the whole point of my post. Maybe sometimes we just have to make a decision and change everything just to be in a better place. Maybe if you’re going through this there’s a reason, not like God or anything, but just for you to become stronger, and to be better. I’m talking for myself of course, I know some people have bigger issues and problems. I don’t know everything, far from it. I’m just talking for me, for my own experience.
I like to take quotes from normal people and not experts, because I feel closer to them. Another quote I like these days : “Two important lessons about life : 1. Life is chaos. 3. Plans are void. C. Become one with chaos. *. Stop taking yourself so seriously!” – Sachin Sahel. It sums up what I feel about life most of the time. Maybe it’s just time to embrace it and see what happens. It could be good.
Another quote I’ve seen recently (I promise this is the last one): “Life’s short. Make the first move.”. This is just something I want to keep in mind. If you’re not well, it may be because some things need to change in your life. Make the first move to change it, even if it feel scary and stressful.
I’m not sure of what I’m saying right now, it’s just a feeling I have for a few days. I hope it’ll work out well.
So. Anyway. Count to three. Breath. And don’t forget to live. Because yes, you are alive! Embrace it. Enjoy being alive!
I should be the first to try and follow my own advice. Ha!
Don’t hesitate to comment, I’d be glad to talk with you and hear what you have to say on the subject =)